Own Understanding

* I am including random pictures in this post just for fun. They have nothing to do with the post. Enjoy!*

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5

I am an eager detective. I like to figure out what is going to happen before it happens. Usually attentive to the clues, I like to come up with the answer to a mystery before it has been revealed. It gives me great pleasure to correctly guess what is going to happen before it happens. There is certainly pride involved in "being right" or "guessing first."

In this adoption process, I have had NO CLEAR UNDERSTANDING of what is going to happen next. I was wrong about when we would travel. I was wrong about how our trip would be laid out. I was wrong about how fast Irina would grow (she is growing like a weed!) I could not have predicted how our journey would be once we returned to the States with our precious daughter. I could not have predicted the ripple effects in our immediate family from this new adventure. It has taken a toll on all six of us and our relationships together. Even reading all the books and articles, attending online seminars, participating in online adoption groups I could not have known with certainty what our path would be like. It has been clear again and again that I CANNOT rely on my own understanding. It is all far greater then I can comprehend. There is only One who knows how this will all play out.

In these 12+ weeks, there have been periods of smooth sailing, lots of pot holes, slippery conditions, beautiful views and perhaps even a few fender benders. If I look in my "rearview mirror," I am reminded of God's faithfulness along this path. Some evidence of his faithfulness is as follows: His provision financially, a sweet week alone together in Ukraine for Darin and me, the pull-up bar in one of our apartments for my monkeys, expecting to be in country four weeks but only being there for two, safety in Ukraine in the midst of a growing political battle...I could go on and on. There is no doubt God has been good to us.

THIS past week has been a week of pot holes and crashes. I have tried to rely on my own understanding in how to handle difficult behaviors from biological and adoptive children. Instead of filling in the pot holes, I only managed to create deeper ruts. What a bumpy ride!

On Sunday afternoon, as I was trying to figure out what in the world I could blog about that wouldn't leave you weeping in misery, the Lord brought this scripture seen at the top of this post to my mind. I've been pondering about what it means for me since then. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

On this adventure with so many unknowns, it is utterly impossible to trust in myself. I've tried...it is useless. Unfortunately, I'll probably try it out on my own again but right now, I feel great courage knowing that all I need to do is trust in the Lord and rest in the fact that He knows my path. He has been leading us along and He will help me to navigate the conditions up ahead. The JOY comes not from what the conditions of the path will be, but the JOY comes from letting my Savior lead me and trusting that God will always be with me.

One beautiful view along the way:
Sunday on the way home from church we were discussing Darin's upcoming business trip and meeting. One of the men Darin will be meeting with has many biological and adopted children. This prompted a lengthy conversation amongst the boys about how many children they would have. The boys each speculated how many biological and how many adoptive children they would have. They carried on discussing this for a good bit. This thrills me for two reasons: a) Even in the midst of challenging times they still see adoption as something they want to participate in. b) Their conversation also revealed to me that this experience has given them an awareness and heart for the orphan. This warms my heart greatly. What a breathtaking view!