Tubing

We enjoyed a great diversion this week when we went tubing. It was so good to laugh together!

 That's Irina with the pink hat and Luke with the grey hat. 

 It was really fun to link our tubes together. 

 My dad came along to enjoy our adventure. 

 Aaron was watching the snowboarders on the nearby slope and was wishing he could give it a try. 

 That's Ethan with the cheering arms on the yellow tube. 

Honestly, after two hours I was a little bored but Irina and Ethan wished they could keep on going!

Muscles

I'm not even sure where to begin. It has been a hard week. Our family has been turned upside down and we are struggling to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Out of obedience to God, we made a life altering decision to joyfully welcome a special girl into our family. Although there were no illusions that life would be sunshine and roses and we'd all live happily ever after, you can never know how your family structure will handle stress until it is smack dab in the middle of it.

All the books talk about what to expect from the adopted child so we are really not surprised. Oh, it's harder then it seems in the books, but nothing has particularly surprised me about Irina's behavior. Everything we see is very "normal" considering the circumstances and history. Perhaps the surprise is how long I was able to "keep it together" before I really crashed?? I've hit a wall and a funk has kind of settled over me. I'm on sensory overload from interacting with the kids non-stop...often long into the night. I know the truth and I know that God is with me. I'm SO very thankful for friends and family who speak the truth of God's word to me over and over when I'm struggling to believe it. That is the only thing that can give me hope.

Irina is doing great and certainly growing. One might even say she is thriving. Oh, she has her really hard moments, but she is learning little by little what it means to be in a family. She is learning what it looks like to be loved and what it means to have boundaries. She is also seeing first hand a mom who is needy for Jesus. I think that is a good thing, but it is very humbling. She has seen me lose my cool and ask for forgiveness. This entire experience has stripped me bare and humbled me quite a bit. Any success we experience is all because of the Lord. Honest and true. I cannot claim any credit! All glory be to God.

The kids and I were reading from the book of Joshua in the Bible this morning and I was reminded of some really important truths. Joshua was commanded by the LORD to lead the people across the Jordan River into the land God promised them. In the first chapter, God told Joshua four times "Be strong and courageous." I think it's pretty important since He repeated himself four times. I've been meditating on this passage.

"Be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:7-9

God told Joshua to be strong. I don't think he meant to lift weights and pump some iron. ;) Immediately after God tells Joshua to be strong, He follows that by telling him to meditate on God's word. God's word is what is going to make Him strong and courageous. I'm feeling very weak, but God will make me strong. I can flex my spiritual muscles and soak up God's word day and night and THAT will make me strong. He is with me. I don't need to be terrified of what is up ahead and I can throw off discouragement that threatens to bury me. GOD is with me and He will be with me wherever I go!

Seriously, this blog must be more for me than for anyone else. I feel so much more encouraged now then when I began this blog post thirty minutes ago. If you made it to the end, thanks... more pictures coming soon. We did have a few fun moments this week. :)

Peeling an Onion

For each of our biological kids, we've had the privilege of watching their personalities develop. We know their living environment, we know the experiences that have shaped them, and we've watched God at work molding them. For the boys, it is like ADDING more and more layers to an onion. We've watched the layers build upon their core. 

For Irina, we only know bits and pieces of her history and experiences. We didn't have the privilege of being with her for the first 10 years of her life. Now that she is a part of our family, we get to learn more about her each day. Each day, it is as if we are PEELING BACK the layers to find out what is at the core. Even though all four kids are still growing and we'll get to see how all four of them mature, it is different. For Irina, we are peeling back layers and adding new layers all at the same time. 

There is definitely deep emotional healing that needs to occur and we are working a lot to teach Irina socially and developmentally appropriate behavior. If you're around us for long, you'll definitely see evidence of this. However, I'm reminded today that she was uniquely made by a loving Creator.  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

Here are some fun things we are learning about our girl:

1) She is one smart cookie. She has the aptitude and determination for learning and a very sharp mind. She notices everything. We can't spell things we don't want her to know. She is so clued in to conversations that she can quickly decode what we're spelling and guesses correctly EVERY time. There is no pulling the wool over her eyes! 

2) She loves music. She is not particularly gifted in singing, but she enjoys it nonetheless. She loves to play her cd's in her room and thankfully is content with the selection we provide. When she told me that she could play the piano, I was prepared to be surprised by a concert pianist. She is so full of surprises. Even though that is not the case, she approaches the piano like she does most things... with determination and joy. The little boys will spend most of their time on the keyboard making the sound effects for fire works, car crashes, barking dogs or some other obnoxious noises. Irina, on the other hand, spends quite a long time tickling the ivories and making up new songs. 

3) She is athletic. After learning to ride a bike without training wheels in only a few days, I shouldn't be surprised by this. However, I was amazed by her ability yesterday when she played catch with Darin and Aaron. In a very short time, she was throwing and catching a soft ball with ease. She has a strong arm and was catching the ball just about every time. This was the first time she has ever played baseball. 

4) She is eager to speak all English. She told me yesterday, "Mommy, June/July Irina talk all English. Maybe April." She is definitely coming along. Lately, her favorite CD is one I bought from Discovery Toys when Luke was 1 or 2 years old. It is called "Sounds Like Fun." It has a months of the year song, letter sounds song, counting by 10's song and more learning songs. She spends all of rest time singing LOUDLY to this CD. It doesn't seem to disturb the boys and I don't have the heart to get her to be more quiet. 

5) She loves to talk. At bedtime almost every night, I sit there waiting and hoping she'll fall asleep quickly. For now she still needs me to sit with her until she falls asleep. It usually takes 30-45 minutes and I sit by her door reading a book. Every night without fail, when it looks like she is almost sound asleep her head pops up and she says, "Mommy, Irina sleeping." And I'm inwardly rolling my eyes and thinking, "You were until you woke yourself up to talk to me." ;) At church this week she said at least three different times during the service, "Mommy, Irina good job. Irina not talking." The irony in that statement does not escape me. She has a constant need to chatter and talk. Is that a girl trait or just the characteristics of a girl in need of making up for so little attention for 10 years?

6) She has a great sense of humor and loves to be dramatic and silly. "Mommy, Irina silly today."

Dressing up: Darin's running sneaks, my raincoat, my winter hat and my purse

"Mommy LOOK!" She likes to show me her tricks on her bike.

Now of course it goes without saying, that just like all of us some of her layers are sweet and some are sour. I need to keep reminding myself to focus on the sweet. I look forward to peeling back more sweet layers and getting to know our girl more!

Unnecessary Destruction

If you have watched the news or seen the headlines, you know that there are 

major things happening in Ukraine right now. I don't understand the intricacies 

of the political battle. However, I do know that there is so much unnecessary 

violence and destruction. If you have seen the photos, it is sad.

 Just four months ago, Darin and I spent a week in this city spending most of our 

time in the area known as Independence Square, but now known as "Euromaiden." 

I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to see the beauty in the city before it was destroyed.

 When we traveled to Kiev with the boys and Irina in November, we didn't even walk around 

this section of the city pictured above because it was the central point of the protests. Although 

we stayed on the outskirts of the protests, we accidentally did get caught in a big parade on 

our way home from lunch one day. Even though the protests were very peaceful at 

that time, the large number of people and foreign words being shouted over the 

loudspeakers was very unsettling.

 This country is a part of Irina's heritage and very dear to our hearts. 

We met many new friends while we were there that are affected by this political battle.

 The metro system is shut down, government buildings are closing and that leaves families 

who were in the process of adopting from Ukraine in the lurch. They cannot travel and bring 

their precious children home to love, warmth and stability. I know of one family in 

particular who is hoping to bring home their daughter before she ages out of the system. 

Upon her 16 birthday, she will no longer be eligible for adoption. If this family cannot 

complete the adoption process before her birthday, this 16 year old girl will be put on the streets.

 Please pray for Ukraine. Please pray for the orphans. Please pray for the safety of the 

people in this city and surrounding cities who are being affected by this political turmoil.

To see more current pictures and hear first hand what is going on 

from a missionary currently living in Ukraine, click HERE. 

This makes me long for heaven when there will be no more unnecessary 

destruction, no more orphans, no more pain and no more tears. 

"Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. 

For the lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. 

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:16-17

Choose

The kids and I are reading a daily devotional every morning at breakfast entitled "Grace for the Moment - 365 Devotions for Kids" by Max Lucado. You can see it HERE. This opening introduction resonated so deeply I need to share it with you. 

It's Up to You
A lot of things will happen today. Some good. Some not so good. You can't always choose what happens in your day. But you can choose how you think about it and what you do about it.
So before you even get out of bed, before all the busyness of the world barges in on you..choose. Choose to follow God this day. What does that mean? It means... 

Choose love...
Love God- and love everything and everyone God loves.  

Choose joy...
Smile. Look for things to be happy about. See a problem as a chance to let God help you.  

Choose peace...
Forgive others because God forgives you. 

Choose patience...
Instead of being angry at having to wait, thank God for a time to pray. 

Choose kindness...
Be kind to everyone around you because God is kind to you. 

Choose goodness...
Do the right thing-even when it isn't easy, and even when no one else is. 

Choose faithfulness...
Keep your promises. Be a true friend. 

Choose gentleness...
Let the things you do and say build others up, not tear them down. 

Choose self-control...
When things don't go your way, remember God has a perfect plan for your life. 

My Prayer for Today
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - that is what I will try to show today. I pray, Lord, that You will help me. When I mess up, please forgive my mistakes, and cover me with Your grace. And then, when this day is all done, I will lay my head on my pillow and rest. Amen. 

Mishka

Who is the girl wearing the purple jacket in this picture? I can hardly believe it is 

the same girl with the long wavy hair and big toothy smile!! My how she has grown! 

Notice the soft teddy bear in her arms in the first picture? She called him "Mishka" when she was here on the hosting trip. Generous friends gave us this soft teddy bear to give to her so she would have something to snuggle with at night. Last January when she travelled back to Ukraine Mishka went along with her. When we learned she would get to bring NOTHING with her to the states upon adoption, those same friends were quick to get a replacement Mishka. 

This photo is from her very first night as Irina Smith. She was so delighted to have a new Mishka. She still calls him Mishka, but she talks about how Mishka's "brat" (brother) is still in Ukraine. Some nights she uses Mishka's sadness over his brother being left behind as a stall tactic for bedtime. Other nights, Mishka will stall bedtime because he needs one more "butterfly kix" (kiss), needs to use the "toilet" or get a "drink of vater." (water)  Mishka is also very spiritual. He sings "Jesus Loves Me" LOUDLY every night and prays every night. You should see him with his hands folded and eyes covered. His latest consistent prayer is "Mishka prayed that boys listen Mommy." Last night Mishka even prayed that "Irina listen Mommy." I'm glad she has this snuggly teddy bear to love. I'm hoping Mishka's prayers are answered quickly! ;) 

Subsitute

The boys had a substitute teacher today and that made us all very happy! My mom was gracious enough to come teach and facilitate the boys lessons while I went with Irina and Darin to a new pediatric dentist. Before our appointment at the dentist, we had time to do about 30 minutes of school together and then Irina and I were on our way leaving the boys in competent hands. It was so good for them to continue with their normal school rhythm and a pretty sweet break for me to not have to facilitate it!

God knew what He was doing when He orchestrated my parents relocating to VA from NJ two years ago this March. I try to be really careful to not ask for babysitting help often. They have been blessed with new friends and lots of activities... busy, busy, busy! However, I knew just the right substitute teacher for the job today and I'm so glad it worked with my mom's schedule.

We feel good about this new dental surgeon who is also an anesthesiologist. He'll perform the surgery at the end of March in his office rather then in the local hospital. We are also on the waiting list if a spot opens up to have the surgery sooner. Please pray that that happens. I'm so eager to get that behind us and get on the road to dental recovery. I don't think I have the patience for another dental consult! Not to mention that I am ready for our sweet girl to experience life without constant dental pain.

We are ready for the warm up this week. The kids had a great time in the yard this afternoon. They had gloves on so they could grab snowballs, but of course Irina didn't want to wear a jacket because it was "hot" outside. Just wait until summer hits! I think our little heater is going to be shocked.

Own Understanding

* I am including random pictures in this post just for fun. They have nothing to do with the post. Enjoy!*

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5

I am an eager detective. I like to figure out what is going to happen before it happens. Usually attentive to the clues, I like to come up with the answer to a mystery before it has been revealed. It gives me great pleasure to correctly guess what is going to happen before it happens. There is certainly pride involved in "being right" or "guessing first."

In this adoption process, I have had NO CLEAR UNDERSTANDING of what is going to happen next. I was wrong about when we would travel. I was wrong about how our trip would be laid out. I was wrong about how fast Irina would grow (she is growing like a weed!) I could not have predicted how our journey would be once we returned to the States with our precious daughter. I could not have predicted the ripple effects in our immediate family from this new adventure. It has taken a toll on all six of us and our relationships together. Even reading all the books and articles, attending online seminars, participating in online adoption groups I could not have known with certainty what our path would be like. It has been clear again and again that I CANNOT rely on my own understanding. It is all far greater then I can comprehend. There is only One who knows how this will all play out.

In these 12+ weeks, there have been periods of smooth sailing, lots of pot holes, slippery conditions, beautiful views and perhaps even a few fender benders. If I look in my "rearview mirror," I am reminded of God's faithfulness along this path. Some evidence of his faithfulness is as follows: His provision financially, a sweet week alone together in Ukraine for Darin and me, the pull-up bar in one of our apartments for my monkeys, expecting to be in country four weeks but only being there for two, safety in Ukraine in the midst of a growing political battle...I could go on and on. There is no doubt God has been good to us.

THIS past week has been a week of pot holes and crashes. I have tried to rely on my own understanding in how to handle difficult behaviors from biological and adoptive children. Instead of filling in the pot holes, I only managed to create deeper ruts. What a bumpy ride!

On Sunday afternoon, as I was trying to figure out what in the world I could blog about that wouldn't leave you weeping in misery, the Lord brought this scripture seen at the top of this post to my mind. I've been pondering about what it means for me since then. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

On this adventure with so many unknowns, it is utterly impossible to trust in myself. I've tried...it is useless. Unfortunately, I'll probably try it out on my own again but right now, I feel great courage knowing that all I need to do is trust in the Lord and rest in the fact that He knows my path. He has been leading us along and He will help me to navigate the conditions up ahead. The JOY comes not from what the conditions of the path will be, but the JOY comes from letting my Savior lead me and trusting that God will always be with me.

One beautiful view along the way:
Sunday on the way home from church we were discussing Darin's upcoming business trip and meeting. One of the men Darin will be meeting with has many biological and adopted children. This prompted a lengthy conversation amongst the boys about how many children they would have. The boys each speculated how many biological and how many adoptive children they would have. They carried on discussing this for a good bit. This thrills me for two reasons: a) Even in the midst of challenging times they still see adoption as something they want to participate in. b) Their conversation also revealed to me that this experience has given them an awareness and heart for the orphan. This warms my heart greatly. What a breathtaking view!

Slush Sledding

We had more snow and then rain, sleet and more snow. The snow was very wet and messy. 

 It didn't matter because we had Daddy with us when we went sledding. 

It doesn't get much better then that!

 We were sledding down a hill at a local elementary school over a jump and into a 

huge puddle of water. The kids were soaring off the jump and then splashing 

down into the water. They were drenched and still smiling. 

 I love that Irina is such a good sport and not wimpy. 

God knew what He was doing when He placed her in our family.