Trap

Have you ever fallen into the perfectionist, comparison trap? As this month comes to a close, I find myself there and it is miserable. It's so easy to read the Facebook news feed, scan my favorite blogs and even look at the friends and neighbors around me and decide that I don't measure up. I assign myself a grade. F.

Somehow it comes so naturally for me to create an expectation for my own life and strive for unrealistic impossible perfection. Oh how I strive to attain these goals! Is my house clean enough? What's my home decorating grade? Am I feeding my family good, clean, natural and nutritious meals? Am I organized? Am I fashionable? Am I schooling my children excellently? Am I parenting them well? Is their behavior respectful and loving? Am I a loving, self-sacrificing adoptive Momma? Am I helping my daughter heal from her wounds? What about my marriage? Do I love my husband well? Support him and show him respect? How about my walk with God? Am I spending time in His word? Am I experiencing joy as I walk through trials? My emotions? Do I have them under control? Am I too emotional? Do I cry too much? Get angry too quickly? Am I good blogger? ;) The list could go on and on. The harsh grade I assign myself... F, F, F, F...

I can even post beautiful pictures on this blog that communicate we are the image of success. No one wants to hear the real truth of our day to day struggles. (the tears, the angry words, the sibling scuffles) And to be honest, as the audience for this blog has grown I don't really want to share all of them. I think wisely, it is not appropriate. More and more as technology explodes, I rely on the half truths that we all present of ourselves to one another to condemn myself. Rarely do people share the whole picture.

I know in my head that perfect is impossible. I believe the Bible is God's infallible word. I know that only God and Jesus are without sin.  I know that we as humans are sinners. In the book of Romans, chapter 3, verse 10 it says, "There is no one righteous, not even one." And in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (emphasis mine) As much as I try to bridge the gap between myself and God, I will never reach His perfection. I know these things and believe them with my whole heart. Yet, why do I fool myself into thinking it's possible?

This adoption experience (and maybe parenting in general) has broken me. Life is not perfect and neat. I can't control our circumstances. I can't control the little people with whom I live. I can be in charge of them, but it is not about control. Some days, I accept this broken neediness for Jesus and march forward allowing Him to carry my burdens. Other days, weeks, months, I condemn myself for not measuring up in all the areas I listed above. Or, I find new areas I can strive to get an A+ in. Maybe I can get an A+ in bread making? Or in getting a new personal record in a running race? Oh how I seek after new things to reach perfection, but inevitably fall short.

The Lord is trying to break through my stubbornness and this pattern of seeking after perfection. I'm still in the rut, but I need to remind myself of these things:

1) I will fail. That is okay! This doesn't need to discourage me, because that is not the whole picture.

"Christ measured up on [my] behalf precisely because [I] would fail. Moreover, He gave [me] His Spirit so [I] can continue to pursue righteousness and become like Him." Paul David Tripp

2)  It matters what I speak to myself. As I grade myself on my shortcomings and weaknesses I tend to bully myself. I am my own worst critic. Either out loud or in my head, I berate myself and condemn myself. The Bible says that we need to speak truth to our heart. In a devotional by Paul David Tripp today, I was reminded that every day we have "constant conversations with our heart." What am I telling myself? Do I lie to my heart? Or, do I speak the truth to my heart as is written in scriptures?

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesian 4:29 

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8 (emphasis mine)

3) All that matters is what the Lord desires of me. Not what others think of me. Not what the world deems valuable. I want to be transformed to be more like Jesus, not the world!!

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

I am so thankful that I have God's word to correct my faulty thinking. I am so thankful that He loves me so well. I am so thankful that He can help me out of this trap I have fallen into!

Hop CHEE

Do you know what an onomatopoeia is? 

We studied this word in Luke's fourth grade reading curriculum this year.  

onomatopoeia: the creation of words that imitate natural sounds

Apparently, in Ukraine they don't use the same words we use to represent natural sounds.

What a fun discovery! Here are a few we've learned recently:

When we sneeze, we say "Achoo!" Irina says, "Hop CHEE!" 

In America a rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" 

In Ukraine, a rooster says, "ku-ka-re-ku" (sounds like: coo-ka-ri-(rolled r)-coo)

Family Reunion Part 3

Did I tell you how busy we were? This was like a kids day camp. 

My mom planned and prepped many activities for the kids so they didn't get antsy. 

Dyeing Easter Eggs

Little S loved picking up the eggs and dunking and dunking them. 

I think she would have had the attention span to dye all the eggs if we'd let her. 

Don't you love her sweet braids?! The egg on the right was created by Luke. 

Definitely a favorite of mine!

On Easter Sunday after church, we had lunch at my parents and then were graciously 

photographed by my parents neighbor who happens to be a photographer. I haven't 

seen all the photos yet, but this one is fabulous. Thank you Diane! What a wonderful gift! 

Photo Credit: D. Stoakely

Then the traditional egg hunt. I got three photos before my camera battery died. Bummer!

 The kids were sent looking one by one in order of age. (youngest to oldest) 

Ethan is off and running while Luke and Irina are waiting their turn. 

We said our farewells to my older brother and his family on Sunday afternoon. 

On Tuesday, we said tearful goodbye's to these two cute little girls and their mom & dad.

I sure hope it is not another two years before we see them again! I miss them already!

 Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Family Reunion Part 2

Last Friday, all 15 of us (Darin was working) ventured out for a picnic and fun exploring together. 

 These two are only 6 months apart in age and good buddies. 

Cousin S was very patient with Irina's desire to play nanny.

My mom and her two oldest grandsons. 

How many boys will fit in the hole in the tree? Do you see Ethan peeking out?

The tulips were gorgeous!

Oh wait, we're missing one grandkid. Do you see him in the bottom right corner of the photo?

They may not all be looking at the camera, but they're all in this one. Phew!

Eight grandkids ages 11, almost 10, 7, 6, 6, 5, 4, and 2.

Last Saturday, we went to a nearby playground for a few hours 

while Grammy began prepping our delicious Easter dinner. 

She may have enjoyed the quiet house just a little bit. ;)

My beautiful sister-in-laws

Cousin R was quite happy swinging and swinging. Irina kept shouting, "Look me. Me jump!"

The granddaughters

Brothers B and A

Me and my dad

I'm the middle girl sandwiched between two great brothers. Feeling very blessed!

* I must give photo credit for most of these photos to Luke. 

He enjoyed being the photographer on Friday and Saturday.  :)

Family Reunion Part 1

My younger brother and his family were visiting my parents for 11 days. Two of those days we stayed home due to sickness. Five of those days we had my older brother and his family visiting too. I took a LOT of photos. I narrowed them down to my favorite 40! And that's only the photos from my simple point and click camera. We had other photographers on the scene too and I'm sure they have some fabulous photos I haven't seen yet. (hint, hint... J & J, I'd love to see your photos. I promise not to post them on the blog. ;) well, maybe... wink, wink. )

40 photos is too many for one blog post, so here you go... Part 1 of 11 days of fun and photos!

Getting acquainted... Aaron likes to get up close and personal with cousin S.

Luke taught cousin R how to use the rainbow loom. She was captivated!

 Painting Birdhouses

Running in the sprinkler. It was 80 degrees. 

The hose water was a little chilly though, but it didn't stop them.

 Decorating Easter Cookies

Younger brother Jonathan joining in the fun!

 Ethan is riding on Irina's back in this photo. 

I hear my older brother Jeffrey and his wife Janna had plasma car 

races when we were home sick. Wish I got some photos of that! 

Cousin A - so smart and inquisitive! I learned that he loves to vacuum. I need to hire him!

Wish I had more photos of cousin B. He must have been somewhere playing with trucks. ;)

Cousin S - Such a great personality to match her cuteness. I'm glad she finally 

learned my name. After the first several days she guessed my name was Sam. 

Ukraine, Easter and the Secret to Abundant Joy

I am thankful to report that we bounced back quicker from the bug than I anticipated and three of us never fully got it! Hooray! We were able to join in the fun by Thursday mid day. Every moment from Thursday until Monday evening we squeezed in as much family fun as possible. Jeffrey and his family left on Sunday. Jonathan and his family leave tomorrow (Tuesday).

In the midst of our busyness and fun though,  Ukraine has not been far from my mind. You've probably seen the news reports of how Eastern Ukraine continues to be the hotspot of political battle. Sadly, a year and a half ago I would have paid very little attention to what is going on. Now that I have spent time in three of the cities in the headlines (Donetsk, Slov'yans'k and Horlivka) and especially since I know people who live there, it is all very real to me. Please pray for Ukraine! Pray for peace. Pray for the children in orphanages who could possibly be affected by a Russian take over. Pray for the families in the process of adopting from this area who are in limbo due to the potential danger. Ukraine and the children of Ukraine will forever have a piece of my heart.  These wooden Ukrainian eggs setting on our kitchen table remind me to pray often.

It is not likely that Irina participated in any Ukrainian Easter traditions prior to her time at the orphanage, but it is important to me to preserve her heritage. After some searching on the internet, I decided to make this traditional Ukrainian paska bread for our Easter dinner. Irina was delighted. She knew exactly what it was and said they had a ceremony at her orphanage in which she carried in the paska. Although, she said the kids didn't get to eat it. Only the staff ate the foods that the children processed in with during the ceremony.  She was so happy to taste it and so proud of it. 

To keep our hearts and minds focused on the true meaning of Easter, our family read the book "Amon's Adventure: A Family Story for Easter" by Arnold Ytreeide. It was captivating!! We got a late start so we had 10 days to read 28 chapters (some of which were very long). It wasn't too hard considering the boys literally begged me to "read one more" chapter each time I closed the book. In the spirit of Resurrection Day, I'd like to share with you the final paragraphs.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, 

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"When it comes to the God of love seeking you out, calling you into relationship with him, making every effort to get you to listen to him, there's no such thing as a coincidence. He had it planned from the beginning, and will continue calling to you all the days of your life. If you choose to follow him, the blessings you receive - even in tough times - will be no coincidence either. I pray with all my heart that you will make that choice, and discover as I have the abundance of joy waiting for you.  

May the God of love and peace, the God of forgiveness and mercy, the God of all hope and power, reign in your heart now, and for years to come, and forever and ever, Amen." Arnold Ytreeide

A Happy Resurrection Day, indeed!

Not My Plans

My younger brother and his family arrived from western Canada last Friday night. We hadn't seen them in two years and don't get to talk on the phone nearly enough. Which seems silly considering they are so important to me, but that's sadly what happens when you don't live in the same town. We're both busy caring for our families and living our lives. I'd say it's because they are so far away on the other side of North America, but I have other family members living much closer and it's still hard to coordinate schedules to visit/talk.

In the days leading up to their arrival, I was eager, excited and emotional. The kids were too. We made a sign, bought balloons and counted down the hours until their arrival. We had 2 1/2 lovely days to spend together. I have wonderful pictures that I hope to post soon, but I need to make sure I have permission first. On Monday evening, I went to bed too late with plans as to how we were going to spend the coming days. I knew my older brother and his family would be arriving in town sometime on Wednesday, so the excitement and anticipation continued. I'm sure my mom was/is bursting with excitement to have all her family and their children together under one roof. (Something that is not a frequent occurrence!)

And then it happened. My plans and God's plans turned out to be different. Tuesday morning, two of my children woke up with fevers. One with a stomach bug. (something we have little experience with) Another one bit the dust Tuesday evening. WHY? The timing is horrible. I had so many plans.  I don't totally understand why and I'm hoping we recover quickly. I want to BE with my brothers and their families!!!

Here is the silver lining. The last two days we have intermittently done school work, taken naps, watched TV and read together. We're reading "Amon's Adventure: A Family Story for Easter" by Arnold Ytreeide. It has been a couple days of forced calmness and SO SWEET. The kids have been mellow. I've been mellow. I'm not worried about the meals that need to be planned or the groceries that need to be purchased. (We're not eating anyway!) Since we got a late start reading our story, we're making up for lost time. Chapter after chapter with the kids snuggled up with blankets on the couch has been delightful.

Would I have rather been with my extended family? Yes, but I'm treasuring the sweetness of this time with my children. And one of my little monkeys is definitely feeling better. He just came in my room walking on his hands!

Enthusiastic Racers

Last summer, I was determined to make the kids into runners. I downloaded a "Couch to 5K" program, made charts to show their progress and really hyped it up. I'd read the blog of another mom who did this and thought, "If her kids can do this, so can mine!" It took me too many weeks to realize that I was torturing all of us. Since I don't like to quit something I start, I was very stubborn about bailing on my plan. Morning after morning, the boys grumbled and complained. I tried bribery and encouragement to no avail. Here is what they looked like most mornings. You should have seen the happy faces when I told them we weren't going to continue our early morning runs together. What a relief!

Several weeks ago, I learned about a fundraiser going on at our church to benefit the preschool. Luke attended the preschool back when he was four and I was eager to support it. This year, the fundraiser was a running event. Without much thought, I signed up all FOUR kids and myself. The kids would do the one mile run and I would run in the 5K trail run. Maybe what they were missing all along was having Irina run with them? The "Run for the FUNd" event was this past Saturday.

They were super excited and maybe a bit nervous the morning of the run. 

 And they are off!!

Luke did great. He came in 5th place overall with a time of 7:26. 

It is not surprising that he is wired much like his Momma. After the race, he kept 

thinking of ways he could have run faster and beat the boy in front of him. Very competitive!

 Ethan had a smile on his face the whole time. After it was over, he asked 

if we could run some more. He came in 8th place overall with a time of 8:00. 

I was most surprised by Aaron. He was pretty tired at the end, but came in 10th place

with a time of 8:12.5. He was really hustling his five year old legs!

Irina was the most excited for the race and started off very fast, grinning and grinning. 

She couldn't keep up her fast pace, but she didn't give up. She finished in 15th place overall 

with a time of 9:05. I love how encouraging the boys were as she came into the finish line!

 So proud of her! She was the 2nd girl to finish the race so she got a little medal and gift card prize. 

Can you imagine her delight in hearing them announce her name? She was beaming!

And of course she plopped down on Daddy's feet as soon as she was finished. 

My 5K was on some pavement, but mostly on trails lined with pine needles. It was a new experience for me. Lots of ups and downs and twists and turns. I loved having my cheering committee. Do you see Aaron on the left as I'm crossing the street? I'm thankful that Darin hung with the kids while I enjoyed this run. I had to miss my favorite 10K run a couple weeks ago because I broke my toe the night before. :( I'm so glad it is healed enough to get back to my running. My time was 27:33. Not bad for my first trail run. 

A great event for the whole family! The kids are signed up for another 1 mile run in two weeks. 

And of course, after it was over, we were all so eager to get to my parents to 

spend time with my Canadian brother, his wife and the cousins. More pictures coming soon!