Some Things You Should Know

I've been reflecting lately on this blog and our journey through hosting and adoption. The positive feedback we've received in response to the adoption and also to the blog are hugely encouraging. We are so grateful for your prayers and support.

There are some things you should know to understand our experience more fully.

1) As I share our experiences on the blog, I struggle to know the right balance of what to share. I want to be honest and real, but I also want to protect my family. It is really easy to snap some fabulous pictures during a small percentage of the time when things are going smoothly.  Then I can conveniently not mention the other large percentage of our days that looks like a train wreck. I certainly am not taking pictures of those terrible moments. I'm either crying, screaming or locked in the bathroom praying. I'm exaggerating here, but hopefully you get the point. This is NOT easy. It is not for wimps. I can relate to this glimpse of one mom's experience with adoption. Our experience is a little different due to hosting, but I'd say we are in stage 2: Spaz Out. Maybe not as severe, but we're there. This might help you understand without me sharing too many personal details. Click HERE.

2) We've had a lot of comments about how much it seems Irina is attaching to us. Of course that is a top priority. We want her to identify us as mom,  dad, and brothers and know that she belongs with us. Here is where we need your help. Experts have said that many children who have lived in orphanages learn how to get adult attention to get what they want. It's not because they are knowingly choosing to be manipulative. They are SURVIVING!!! They learn how to act like the most charming and friendly child in order to have their needs met.

When we think of a child struggling with attachment problems we assume the symptoms are withdrawal and refusal to receive comfort from close adults. However, there are other symptoms. Some children who struggle with attachment problems go the other direction and will try to receive comfort and attention indiscriminately. They will eagerly hug everyone with whom they are introduced. Our little butterfly falls into the second category. She is always looking for an adult to cozy up with. She stepped off the plane in America to a large crowd of waiting people. She waved like a princess and proceeded to hug EVERYONE. Some of whom she knew and were appropriate to hug. Others, it was not quite appropriate.

Please help us by not hugging Irina when you see her at church or elsewhere. (Unless you are immediate family or very close family friends.) She needs to know she belongs to US and we need to teach her healthy boundaries about who she should have close physical contact. The same is true for our biological kids. I wouldn't be thrilled if they hugged the stranger in the park they were meeting for the first time. (Irina did this on Friday.) It's not appropriate. We are working on a poster with circles of family, friends and strangers to show her how she is allowed to be touched and by whom. Thank you for helping her to learn to attach to us.

3) I love adoption. I love the real life picture it presents of God adopting us as His children. I think it pleases God and I know in His word He asks us to care for orphans. I know He has called our family to participate in adoption by inviting Irina to join our family. It's not always pretty, but we continue on because the closeness that comes from walking in obedience to our Father is much better then the perceived freedom from doing things our own way. Sometimes, I may smile and say things are fine, but inwardly I'm grasping to find joy in the hard moments. Other times, my heart is overflowing with gratitude and praise. No matter how I'm doing, I ultimately have faith that God has a plan for our family and He wants good for us. The good may be in the lessons we learn from experiencing hardships.