This and that...

A bike ride with all six of us the day after Christmas.

A fort made of boxes for the boys. All 3 boys are inside. 

Irina just rode her bike around and around in the driveway while they pretended.

 Our days are smoother when there is lots of activity and adventure, especially if I'm engaged in their adventure. We have spent a lot of time outside and at parks together. I'm usually freezing and Irina is hot. Her internal thermostat is quite different. What is she going to do during our hot summers? Hopefully she'll adjust. The days when I actually try to accomplish simple tasks like laundry, food prep or cleaning are more difficult. 

We had the great opportunity to visit with a girl from Irina's orphanage who is being hosted this Christmas by a nearby family. Irina was very excited and gave Natasha (on the right) all her Ukrainian coins. Such a generous heart! Irina also worked busily to make pictures for Natasha to bring back to other friends at the orphanage.  If you know of anyone interested in adoption, both Natasha (11) and her brother Vladimir (13) are looking for a home in America. Please contact me for more information.  I'm glad we got to see Natasha, but it triggered some sadness and teary nights for Irina. 

 On the left, Ethan can climb anything. He doesn't need branches to scale a tree!

On the right, do you see the hidden spy keeping an eye on things with his binoculars?

We have to continue to remember that although Irina is in a 10 year old body, her developmental age is much younger. We've had to start back at the beginning. She loves to be cradled in our laps and carried around like a baby. She loves to play with her baby dolls and pretend to be a baby herself. A ride down the street in the wagon with Daddy pulling? You bet!! A certain 9 and 7 year old wished they were getting a ride. ;) She'll catch up and it won't take 10 years. These nurturing times are very important for her development since she likely missed out on all that in her childhood. 

 We started back to school on Monday. I hoped to take one more week off like the public schools, but we needed the structure that school provides. I love that our cowboy got dressed up for the occasion. I think we hit the jackpot with his gift. :) Irina is improving in her fine motor skills. She loved putting these golf tees in styrofoam and balancing marbles on top. 

She loves school, but I struggle to come up with enough activities. She is always in a hurry. She is learning letter sounds very quickly, but still demands a lot of one on one help for most other activities. Her favorite phrase to say to me is "No, Mommy." Sometimes she says "no", but then does what I've asked her to do. Many times she refuses to do what I've asked her to do. Yesterday I was shocked when she actually said, "Yes, Mommy" and then she actually did what I asked!! I squealed with delight and she ran and gave me a kiss. Progress? sure!

So glad she enjoys nature walks and running!

Our little explorer dressed for the adventure. 

 The boys love to explore trails with water, sticks and dirt. 

She seemed equally happy to splash the stick in the water. 

Today marks 4 weeks since we have been home from Ukraine and 39 days of having a daughter. Sometimes it feels like she has always been a part of our family. She meshes with the boys quite well. 

I need to remember what a blessing her friendship with the boys is.

Some Things You Should Know

I've been reflecting lately on this blog and our journey through hosting and adoption. The positive feedback we've received in response to the adoption and also to the blog are hugely encouraging. We are so grateful for your prayers and support.

There are some things you should know to understand our experience more fully.

1) As I share our experiences on the blog, I struggle to know the right balance of what to share. I want to be honest and real, but I also want to protect my family. It is really easy to snap some fabulous pictures during a small percentage of the time when things are going smoothly.  Then I can conveniently not mention the other large percentage of our days that looks like a train wreck. I certainly am not taking pictures of those terrible moments. I'm either crying, screaming or locked in the bathroom praying. I'm exaggerating here, but hopefully you get the point. This is NOT easy. It is not for wimps. I can relate to this glimpse of one mom's experience with adoption. Our experience is a little different due to hosting, but I'd say we are in stage 2: Spaz Out. Maybe not as severe, but we're there. This might help you understand without me sharing too many personal details. Click HERE.

2) We've had a lot of comments about how much it seems Irina is attaching to us. Of course that is a top priority. We want her to identify us as mom,  dad, and brothers and know that she belongs with us. Here is where we need your help. Experts have said that many children who have lived in orphanages learn how to get adult attention to get what they want. It's not because they are knowingly choosing to be manipulative. They are SURVIVING!!! They learn how to act like the most charming and friendly child in order to have their needs met.

When we think of a child struggling with attachment problems we assume the symptoms are withdrawal and refusal to receive comfort from close adults. However, there are other symptoms. Some children who struggle with attachment problems go the other direction and will try to receive comfort and attention indiscriminately. They will eagerly hug everyone with whom they are introduced. Our little butterfly falls into the second category. She is always looking for an adult to cozy up with. She stepped off the plane in America to a large crowd of waiting people. She waved like a princess and proceeded to hug EVERYONE. Some of whom she knew and were appropriate to hug. Others, it was not quite appropriate.

Please help us by not hugging Irina when you see her at church or elsewhere. (Unless you are immediate family or very close family friends.) She needs to know she belongs to US and we need to teach her healthy boundaries about who she should have close physical contact. The same is true for our biological kids. I wouldn't be thrilled if they hugged the stranger in the park they were meeting for the first time. (Irina did this on Friday.) It's not appropriate. We are working on a poster with circles of family, friends and strangers to show her how she is allowed to be touched and by whom. Thank you for helping her to learn to attach to us.

3) I love adoption. I love the real life picture it presents of God adopting us as His children. I think it pleases God and I know in His word He asks us to care for orphans. I know He has called our family to participate in adoption by inviting Irina to join our family. It's not always pretty, but we continue on because the closeness that comes from walking in obedience to our Father is much better then the perceived freedom from doing things our own way. Sometimes, I may smile and say things are fine, but inwardly I'm grasping to find joy in the hard moments. Other times, my heart is overflowing with gratitude and praise. No matter how I'm doing, I ultimately have faith that God has a plan for our family and He wants good for us. The good may be in the lessons we learn from experiencing hardships.

Energy

We've always known how important it is to get the boys daily exercise. However,  I thought that girls just sat around reading and playing with their dolls. ha! Not our girl. ;)

We need to make sure EVERYONE in this house gets their body moving no matter what the temperature. Otherwise, things get pretty ugly around here. This mini trampoline the kids received as a gift has been great for those really cold or rainy days. Now if we could just find somewhere to store it instead of in our foyer.

Unconditional

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned how much the illustration of blooms and weeds really resonated with me as I think about my daughter. (See HERE) What a treasure to see the beautiful blooms growing that we didn't plant. What a privilege to see them burst forth! On top of that there are many more lovely new blooms growing as a result of her new experiences. I cherish those moments when I have eyes to see how God is at work in her life. 

However, now that Irina has been home with us for 24 days we are also recognizing the weeds that come with experiencing life as an orphan. The challenge for me has been to notice the weeds, pray for wisdom in how to deal with them, and not take them personally. My feelings can have no bearing as I muddle through parenting her. As a sensitive feeling gal, I'd say this is very hard for me. I was reminded recently that our love for Irina must be unconditional. It is not based on her bloom/weed ratio. It is not based on my feelings at any particular moment.

I have not been able to get that out of my head. On my long run this morning, it was all I could think about and of course the only model I have for perfect unconditional love is in God's love for us. Sitting down to read my devotional book after my run, I was so encouraged to discover the topic was on God's unconditional love! The timing couldn't have been better.

God's love for us is "bountiful, with no strings attached." "Absolutely nothing in heaven or on earth can cause [God] to stop loving [us]." "[God's] love for [us] is perfect; therefore it is not subject to variation." (Sarah Young) Of course this is not something I can muster up enough effort on my own to imitate, but is is my model. "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19  God will teach me how to love if I listen to Him.

I haven't figured this all out and I still have a lot to chew on. Somehow offering unconditional love to Irina feels different then offering it to my biological children. We've missed out on the first 10 years of her life. I didn't get to comfort her the first time she fell down and got hurt. I didn't get to see her take her first steps, or say her first words. I didn't get to experience the dependency that little children have on their Mommy's. I don't know how she is really feeling even now because of the language barrier.

We certainly do love her and we're taking this big leap of faith out of obedience to God's plan. We know we're following the right path. Perhaps it is just that our love for her needs to grow with the passing of time as does her love for us? It is incomprehensible that God would love me so devotedly even though I surely offend him with my willfulness, stubbornness and sinfulness. I'm really challenged to take time and think about these verses in 1 Corinthians. It doesn't just belong at weddings or apply only to husbands/wives. This is how God loves us!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Christmas Day

Luke was awake at 4:30am (?!?!?) checking out the gifts. Can you say excited?

He did go back to sleep until 5:30 (wow) before he officially got up and made this lego sign.

And yes, the wooden cabinet doors are a project interrupted by an international trip to Ukraine. 

Darin's rebuilding new doors and this is his prototype. 

Happy kids waiting for Daddy. I didn't get around to buying 

Christmas jammies this year. Maybe next year? 

Last year when we hosted Irina, she never smiled showing her teeth. 

It was a very guarded smile. I love her new relaxed smile!!!

We started the morning off with a reading of the Nativity story from the Jesus Storybook Bible.

 We gave each of the kids something to read, something to wear, 

and something to play with. Also, a generous friend donated the gift of her time and 

resources and filled the kids stockings with fun toys. Thank you!!

We got Irina her own camera since she is obsessed with taking photos. The paparazzi was in full force yesterday. 

She took 514 photos from the moment she opened her gift until her head hit the pillow!!!! 

She was in heaven. Snapping pictures and then looking at the camera window to view them. 

She took pictures of ears, feet, toilets, books, toys, inside closets, flowers, noses, inside her mouth, etc.. 

She was squealing with delight. She kept reminding us it was Irina's camera. 

As opposed to Mommy's camera that she was always begging to use. :) 

The cowboy made a lot of appearances. He was so cute!!!

We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and enjoyed a delicious cake!

There was lots of lego building and picture taking before we cleaned up and went to Grammy & Poppy's for dinner. So thankful for all these people feeding us delicious dinners!! I can really compare the exhaustion I feel to having a newborn, so thank you to the generous friends and family for serving us by providing us with meals. 

Every year we take a trip north to visit with family at Christmas. We look forward to that time. We made the difficult decision to not travel this year in light of our recent International travel. We are so thankful for Darin's family understanding our situation and extending us grace. We missed seeing them this year! A 20 minute drive to my newly transplanted parents was about all we could handle. Our little butterfly does better with short visits. You can tell when Irina reaches her limit of overstimulation, and we need to hit the road. I was so thankful for relaxed time in different surroundings. What a day!

Lastly, Irina has observed me writing thank you notes since we've been back from Ukraine. (If you haven't gotten yours yet, it's coming!) I had finished a box and was going to recycle it. Irina asked if she could have it. Sure! During quiet rest time on Tuesday, unbeknownst to me she was busy making a gift for me for Christmas. She decorated the box with stickers and wrote "Mama LOVE." Inside, she drew a pretty picture on a notecard and filled the box with several pieces of her play jewelry. She hid the box under her bed until Christmas morning when she brought it out and placed it under the tree. She always surprises me with unexpected sweetness. I love her joy for giving gifts!

A few days of photos

Riding her bike on Saturday in the 75 degree weather!

Rainy Sunday afternoon movie  - "Mary Poppins"

Duplos… Aaron is a bit underdressed in his mismatched jammies.

She looked lovely in her dress, but wasn't in the mood for posing for pictures.

We went on a tacky light tour after the Christmas Eve service. 

Brrr…so hard to believe it was so warm just a few days ago. It was only 38 degrees tonight. 

We have our birthday cake for Jesus ready and we are excited to celebrate. Merry Christmas everyone!

Quick Update

* The dentist appointment was lengthy, but went very well. Irina was VERY nervous in the car on the way there, but was extremely cooperative. At this point, she is beginning to think dentist offices are fun. They just gently look in your mouth and take some pictures of your teeth. Then they give you a toy before you leave. We now have to wait until next Monday to schedule her surgery. The dental surgeon estimates it could last up to 3 hours! She'll be sedated for the whole surgery. I will let you know when it gets closer because we will need prayers. This could be potentially traumatic for her. 

* Irina slept great last night. We didn't have the usual bedtime resistance with fits and tears. She said in English, "Stay five minutes."So, I stayed five minutes and then she fell asleep to music. She woke around 7:30. Yeah! I know we'll have other hard sleeping moments, but this was a relief. For her and me! Thank you for praying.

More pictures coming soon. She's looking forward to wearing her Christmas dress to church this afternoon. (Thank you Chrislyn for the lovely velvet and black watch plaid dress!) 

New Territory

We're entering new territory these days. Our sweet, bubbly, vivacious and strong girl is experiencing many bouts of unexplained sadness. It is not in response to something we say or do. It usually occurs at bedtime or throughout the night, but it can sometimes occur during the day. I suspect (based on lots of reading) that she is experiencing sadness due to being away from all that is familiar to her.  Even though we know that there is hope for great days ahead, she is experiencing a mixture of both joy and loss.

It's been almost three weeks since she has been in America and over four weeks since she's been our daughter. She's experiencing different sights, sounds and smells. The weather is much different. The landscape is different. She's boldly trying lots of new foods. Hopefully the smells are better (although she lives with three little brothers, so I'm not sure!) She is learning more English every day, but her comprehension seems much better then her ability to communicate what she is thinking with us. Wouldn't you be a little freaked out too? Even if you were happy in your new surroundings? I was eager to get home after only two weeks away.

Ukraine is all she has ever known and while we know life is so much better for her now in a family, it is still new. She has spent the last two and a half years sleeping in a dormitory with between 4 - 6 little girls in a tiny room. It's not appropriate for her to share a room with her brothers and I suspect she gets lonely in her room all alone. Night time wakings are becoming more frequent with lots of tears. How can you rush her back to her lonely room when you know she has legitimate reasons to have bad dreams? I've spent a few long sleepless nights holding her and stroking her hair while she cries off and on through the night.

While very tiring, all of this is a good sign -- I think. When we hosted Irina she went to sleep at 7:30pm and didn't come out of her room until after 7am. Our first week home this month, she went to sleep great and once adjusted to the time zone slept well in the morning. Now, even though she resists bedtime, I'm glad she's feeling comfortable enough to venture out to receive comfort from me in the night.  My heart is aching because I still have three other dear ones to care for at the same time and I'm tired. One little boy is begging, "Mommy, why don't you lay in my bed and stroke my hair?" Another little boy is disappearing to his room early and putting himself to bed without a word. Still another little boy is acting out to receive some desperately craved for attention.

Many of you reading this are still praying for our journey and I'm grateful. God is with us through all the ups and downs. Will you pray for rest, compassion and endurance? I'm not sure I've even begun to really think about advent or the true meaning of Christmas yet and Christmas is three days away. Will you pray for sweet moments to point all of us to Jesus?

Tomorrow we meet with a pediatric dentist to discuss a plan for Irina's much needed dental care. We hoped to wait much longer to deal with this, but unfortunately it will cause her more problems if we wait. Will you pray that we'll have clarity as to whether this dentist is a good fit for our needs? Will you pray that Irina will not be too scared? Pray we'll be able to comfort her and come up with a good plan. Thank you!

Sweetness

1) Every morning around 7:30am, Irina wakes up, gets dressed and comes in our room. She opens the blinds, says "sun" if it's sunny, turns on the lights and jumps on the bed. I'm usually already awake and out of bed, but Darin is much less of a morning person. Now he has a new "alarm clock" in the form of Irina. She says, "Daddy sleeping," pokes her fingers in his ear, pinches his nose and tickles him. She does all this while giggling. Sometimes she goes in the bathroom, runs water on her hands and rubs her cold wet hands on his cheeks. He never stops smiling. I like this new routine and Darin hasn't complained, yet. ;)  

2) I love that she has been delighted with the clothes in her closet. Generally no complaints and she's learning how to put outfits together. It's cute to see what she comes up with. I've never seen so much pink! (I'm a blue girl.)

3) Irina thrives on routine and we are generally very routine oriented. She has picked up quickly on our habits. She knows just what glass Darin likes to use for breakfast and gets it out for him. She knows I like to read our devotionals and Bible during breakfast, and she sets them at my place at the table. She notices everything.

4) Every morning she begs to start school. She grows impatient with the boys chattering at breakfast and sluggishness to clean up their breakfast dishes and brush their teeth. She enjoys seeing what Mommy has put in her workboxes. I love that she is eager!  It would be terrible if I had to coerce her to do school.

5) We start our school day singing "This is the Day" and moving about together. How sweet to see and hear her singing along and smiling!

6) Today, Thursday, we spent time talking about what we were thankful for before our prayer time. I used google translate so she could be involved. Her answer to what she is thankful for… "God the Father and Jesus." This was all her idea. The boys were saying things like family, a sister, brothers, warm home, toys, etc.. Melt my heart! Thank you God!

7) Every day during school, her last workbox is a game. We rotate which boy plays the game with her with a little sign in her workbox. They all look forward to this and it is precious.


8) Irina loves music. We do too! Every time she walks in a room, she turns on the radio. We love listening to the Christian radio station and Irina will sing along with the jingle, "Positive Hits PER."

9) There is no doubt that she is a girly girl, but she is tough. We have had so much fun going on bike rides, playing soccer or other backyard games together. She is coordinated, loves to run and can certainly hold her own in a family with so many boys. Today was a glorious day for backyard games. (short sleeves on December 19?!)

10) Every night at bedtime, she recites the books that she has memorized to Darin. When we read other books, she picks out words that she already recognizes by sight. "God, dog, bike, etc." We are amazed by how smart she is. She is learning quickly.

When we hosted last Christmas, we could have ended up with anyone. God knew we would end up with Irina and that she would be a perfect fit for our family. No matter how many high highs and low lows, I have to stop and notice these beautiful moments.