Just a little excited...

I definitely don't have time for blogging today and it is not a priority, but I've been silent too long. This is going to be a quick one. We're still alive!

Irina starts in a YMCA soccer league TOMORROW and she is just a little excited. Okay, maybe that is an understatement. She is THRILLED!!! She got her uniform last Thursday and of course she immediately put it on. "Please you take picture of me Mommy?"

She's never played a team sport. She has very limited understanding of the game of soccer. (We're working on that!). I'm a little worried for her. However, I know she is determined, competitive, and a wee bit feisty. She keeps up with the boys, doesn't she? Yes she does!

The boys have never played soccer either, but you know they are "experts" coaching her in the yard. Ha! 

They pulled out these books and have been trying to teach her. It's sweet. 

They've been having her practice kicks, dribbling around cones, 

and other soccer drills from the books. Her first game is on Saturday. 

She knows two girls on her team and the coach is a friend of ours. 

It's a recipe for learning and lots of fun. Do you think she'll smile the whole game? :)

Not to mention that her 12th birthday is quickly approaching in 10 days with a "simple" birthday party to celebrate this Sunday. All that combined makes for an overly emotional pre-teen AND Mommy. Oh my! (Take a guess... do I know how to keep birthday celebrations simple? I'm trying...but ACK! She's missed out on birthday celebrations for 10 years. Oh dear.)

These Kids

It's that time a year where we stop and assess our schooling choices for the kids. There is usually lots of discussion, prayer, analyzing, prayer, thinking, and prayer.

We don't make the choice to homeschool lightly. We don't do it out of some superiority complex. We don't choose to homeschool out of fear of the world. Each year, we have felt God's clear answer to our many questions/prayers is to continue homeschooling. It is where He has led us.

This year, there is no clear answer yet. It has been a hard year and we must really consider our options. We're exploring keeping some at home and enrolling others elsewhere full time. It will be a difficult decision. We are trusting that God will lead us to the answer that is best for our family.

In the meantime, it has struck me lately how unique and special the bond is between all four kids. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It is as if Irina has always been here. They especially like playing dolls with her! Shh... don't tell them I told you. :) I think being home has fostered their bond.

Oh... they have their sibling squabbles. Believe me they do! Fists and tears and screaming are a somewhat regular occurrence. But somehow, we work through that and then they are like magnets. They can't resist the force pulling them together. Even though they are all so different in personality and interests they have this amazing way of playing together. (games, puzzles, legos, outdoor games, pretend play, etc.) No matter what we decide for school next year, I hope and pray that they always work to maintain their friendships long into their old age. Can you imagine what family reunions will look like in 20 years if they do?

Identity

Thinking, feeling, processing, and examining... that is what I spend a lot of my brain power on these days. Does your brain shut off? Mine doesn't. EVER! I think that might be a female characteristic, or maybe it is just me?? 

Darin tells me that he's seen articles about how Facebook causes depression. (Maybe Pinterest does too?) Hmmm... I can believe it. You read and see pictures of all these great things people are doing. Parties they are planning, recipes they are making, perfectly well-behaved children, perfectly decorated houses, athletic milestones, etc.. Do you ever feel like you don't measure up to the perfection people portray? You know it must not all be perfect, but it certainly conjures up images of an IDEAL that is so tantalizing. I confess that I have moments of feeling jealous. Okay... since I'm confessing, probably a lot of moments like that. That comparison trap is wicked! I must repent.

Here is a perfect example. I volunteered to help coordinate an in-class party for Luke's history class. I don't love this sort of thing, but I wanted to do my part and we love his teacher. The theme was "Space Race." They were learning about the race between Russia and the US to get to space. At the start I figured I'd come up with a simple rocket craft and simple snack. It would be easy. I spent hours (!!!) searching on Pinterest in my free time. ha! The more I looked, the more inadequate I felt. I started to have a melt down. The time was running out and I couldn't pull this together. What if there was something else out there better? I had to keep looking for the perfect idea.

When I told Luke I was in charge of a craft and fun snack, he replied, "You're not that kind of mom." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he crumpled in embarrassment realizing his words could have hurt my feelings. (love his sweet heart!) I smiled, brushed if off, and knew what he meant. I have a reputation for being obsessed with "healthy." In his mind, a fun snack would be some kind of junk food and he knew I would never bring that. Oh my...  While I tried to brush off his comments, it further fueled my crazy. I was going to bring an awesome craft and have a SUPER FUN UNHEALTHY snack. Yes I WAS!!! If all the other moms on Pinterest can do it, so can I.  Luke asked me to bring the "rocket" fruit skewers (above) and I brought some "space themed" junk food to go with it. I didn't take a picture of that. :)  We did a craft that was borderline lame, but the kids didn't seem phased. The rocket we tried to shoot off with vinegar and baking soda was a dud. I could have done more, but does it really matter??? Does it? What would perfect look like?

In the end it all worked out, but I needed to repent of my approval seeking. Whose approval do I really need the most? Certainly not a room of nine 5th graders! Did I please God by working with all my heart to bring Him glory? Was I seeking His approval or the approval of men? Were my eyes fixed in the right place? These are all questions I wrestled with and am trying to learn from. I'm definitely not saying that we can't plan really cool parties and do really amazing over the top fun things. God is stretching me to realize WHY I strive to do these things. Am I alone here? Do you ever struggle with this?

And all these yummy food photos are further evidence of my crazy. Every couple weeks I don't sleep (just kidding... sort of) so I can carve out the time to make pumpkin muffins, granola, whole wheat bread, granola bars, and tortillas. It makes me feel happy to feed my family foods that I think are nutritious and delicious. (some of you may disagree... sorry gluten free and paleo people!)

This is where I wish the thinking, processing, examining my heart would shut off. All I know is that as our spring/summer kid birthday madness nears I want to be sure that I am reminding myself that my identity is NOT in how "pinterest worthy" our parties are. My identity is not in what healthy things I make for my family. My identity is not in ANYTHING else but in the fact that I am a child of God. I was bought with a price. I am loved, forgiven, and cherished beyond measure for one simple fact. I was created by the Creator of the universe and He doesn't make mistakes! What could be better then that? Hallelujah!

The Weather Can Do Wonders

I have to say when I got up early this morning in the pitch black the day after "spring forward" I was a bit of a grouch. Not exactly looking forward to the day and praying for a better attitude.

Then I went into the garage to do my strength training dvd (which I usually do on this portable dvd player) only to discover that the screen is broken. I later learned that some kids (who will remain nameless) knocked it off the shelf with a basketball on a previous day. So, until further notice I will also be exercising my ears as I listen carefully to the instructions on my dvd. I guess I won't be trying any new dvd's anytime soon.

Finally once the morning rush was over (breakfast served, lunches packed, bags ready... you all know the drill probably better then I do!) and the older boys were out the door for their homeschool academy we were finally able to catch our breath. But for some reason, Aaron's steady drumming during school with his pencil, hands, or whatever nearly drove me crazy. "STOP DRUMMING!!!!"

Until I noticed the SUN and what appeared to be warmth!! The weather can do wonders for my attitude. These two are sweet playmates on Mondays when their brothers are away. They had some sort of pretend world going on after lunch. They insisted it was warm enough for no jackets and flip flops. Okay... sure!

With potential rain the rest of the week I decided we needed a spontaneous outing. 

I picked up the big boys at 3pm and headed to one of our favorite outdoor locations. 

Do you see Ethan scampering like a little gazelle? 

They were thrilled to be outside in shorts! It was 70 degrees. 

 Ethan asked me to take this picture so he can sketch it later. ;)

 We got to the top of this hill and Irina said, "Let's roll down the hill." 

 Luke and Aaron didn't want to get dirty so they ran. 

 Ethan and Irina rolled and rolled. Although, Irina kind of curved back up the hill and had to readjust.

Can you see the delight on their faces? Is spring really coming? I can't wait!

Another One ?

Okay... this is the third baby tooth extracted in three weeks. Maybe Aaron will be the dentist instead of Irina? This one was hardly ready and was accompanied by a lot of blood and a pretty long root. He yanked it out! Sheesh, if he keeps this up he'll need to start eating smoothies for every meal.

Language Progress

Even though I really enjoy learning new languages, I highly doubt that I would gracefully handle being immersed in a new language the way Irina has handled it. She has done a remarkable job in a very short time. It is still a steady hill to climb, but I give her much kudos for her tenacity (even when she has been tempted to give up). 

She is a workbook girl, but she tries whatever I throw at her. Today in school she was working on rhyming dominos. They were a little tricky, but when she finished she exclaimed proudly, "I do them all by myself." 

If she was a quiet girl, things would have played out very differently. This is where I need to be thankful for how verbal she is. When we met her on December 16, 2012 she talked non-stop in Russian. The only thing different now is that she is talking in English. I think much of her progress is due to her PRACTICE and she practices a lot. ;)

Some cute little vocabulary misunderstandings that I don't want to forget:

"Please Mommy, you 'shark-pen' my pencil." (sharpen)

"Please you cut my 'great-fruit.'" (grapefruit)

"Can I have 'tu-nut' for lunch today?" (tuna)

"Please I go jump on the 'jumpoline?'" (trampoline) 

If you've heard how fast we talk over here, is it any wonder there has been confusion? 

This young lady is also a note writer. She wants to desperately make sure we know she loves us and is always writing special notes. She wrote this note for me yesterday. 

Jesus With Me

I'm sitting here in front of my computer trying to figure out where to begin. I'm not sure. I just need to get IT out. I can't wrap up my inner thoughts in a neat package today. Partly because I'm not a "writer" by nature (remember I was a math major). Partly because my thoughts are swirling and swirling and I don't have the time to make sense of them. 

I hope that by the time I get to the "end" and hit publish what will stand out the most is that GOD is good. He is glorious. He keeps his promises. He is faithful. He is my rock. Oh, how He loves His people!

This has been an interesting "season" for me and I'm not talking about the weather. (Although I'm ready for spring. Come on tulips and daffodils... get going! Is it seriously going to snow tomorrow?) By season, I mean that this time in my life has been one that on one hand I don't want to forget. On the other hand, I don't want to remember.  

I have no obvious hardships in my life. I have a husband who provides for his family, four healthy beautiful children, plenty of food, and a safe haven we call home. I know people who have hardships. I know people who live with terrible illnesses and pain. I know people who have nothing. That is not me. 

For some reason though, this season of my life has been very intense. I am beginning to see and accept that this intensity and exposure of my weaknesses may actually be a good thing. It is humbling and emotionally painful. Somehow in the midst of it all (the many tears, exhaustion, and brokenness), I hear my Lord whisper my name. Do you realize how wonderful that is? Years ago, I walked through a short period of depression, but this is different. Somehow this time, in the midst of my tears and confusion I know without a doubt that I am not alone. Jesus is with me. Jesus is at work in me and He is making me new. So thankful...

It's a funny thing with technology these days. Here I sit and type. I don't know exactly who reads and frankly I don't understand why they would want to at times. Certainly I could keep a private journal of my thoughts and feelings (which I do) without broadcasting them out to any interested party. The blog is no longer just about Irina or about the boys. Although, the magnitude of participating in adoption has certainly been a catalyst for this time of discovery for me. I am sure I have some family members cringing as they read along, perhaps uncomfortable with my vulnerability. 

Here is the thing: If you don't know it already, God is an awesome God. That is what I want to shout! There is no mistaking it. I have found myself thirsting for His word and amazed by what I read. No matter where I read, I am amazed by God's unconditional love and forgiveness to a very unworthy people. No amount of efforts on our part can overcome our sinful nature. And yet, He loves us anyway. He sent His son Jesus to die for US. Please, if you don't have a Bible send me an email or leave me a message. I will mail you one. It is the best book you will find. Treasure it! 

God's word has served many purposes in my life. It gives me hope, reminds me of truth, and encourages me. Right now, the Holy Spirit is also using the Word to convict me of sin. I know, some of you get uncomfortable when I mention that word. But it is true. I am a sinner and God is revealing areas of my life in which I am sinning. I can rejoice in that, because with repentance comes refreshment. If God's word says it, I'm counting on it and eagerly waiting for it. :) 

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12

"Acknowledging sin and its consequences is a difficult, achy, and emotionally invasive procedure. But a beautiful thing happens when we take that hard road through the mountain: we do not travel alone. Jesus is with us as God's Word convicts our hearts. Jesus is with us as the Holy Spirit reveals our desperate need. Jesus is with us as our knees buckle at the devastation around us and the devastation within us. He is by our side to administer the salve of grace the moment each sin-wound is revealed.
Somewhere in the thick of this ongoing heart surgery we begin to understand: only in seeing the depth of our sin can we see the unmatched grace and glory of the Cross." She Reads Truth lent devotional

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15 

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' Lamentations 3:21-24

I love a covenant keeping God. Do you? If you don't know Him, don't wait another minute. He is waiting for you with arms open wide.