I hope that by the time I get to the "end" and hit publish what will stand out the most is that GOD is good. He is glorious. He keeps his promises. He is faithful. He is my rock. Oh, how He loves His people!
This has been an interesting "season" for me and I'm not talking about the weather. (Although I'm ready for spring. Come on tulips and daffodils... get going! Is it seriously going to snow tomorrow?) By season, I mean that this time in my life has been one that on one hand I don't want to forget. On the other hand, I don't want to remember.
I have no obvious hardships in my life. I have a husband who provides for his family, four healthy beautiful children, plenty of food, and a safe haven we call home. I know people who have hardships. I know people who live with terrible illnesses and pain. I know people who have nothing. That is not me.
For some reason though, this season of my life has been very intense. I am beginning to see and accept that this intensity and exposure of my weaknesses may actually be a good thing. It is humbling and emotionally painful. Somehow in the midst of it all (the many tears, exhaustion, and brokenness), I hear my Lord whisper my name. Do you realize how wonderful that is? Years ago, I walked through a short period of depression, but this is different. Somehow this time, in the midst of my tears and confusion I know without a doubt that I am not alone. Jesus is with me. Jesus is at work in me and He is making me new. So thankful...
It's a funny thing with technology these days. Here I sit and type. I don't know exactly who reads and frankly I don't understand why they would want to at times. Certainly I could keep a private journal of my thoughts and feelings (which I do) without broadcasting them out to any interested party. The blog is no longer just about Irina or about the boys. Although, the magnitude of participating in adoption has certainly been a catalyst for this time of discovery for me. I am sure I have some family members cringing as they read along, perhaps uncomfortable with my vulnerability.
Here is the thing: If you don't know it already, God is an awesome God. That is what I want to shout! There is no mistaking it. I have found myself thirsting for His word and amazed by what I read. No matter where I read, I am amazed by God's unconditional love and forgiveness to a very unworthy people. No amount of efforts on our part can overcome our sinful nature. And yet, He loves us anyway. He sent His son Jesus to die for US. Please, if you don't have a Bible send me an email or leave me a message. I will mail you one. It is the best book you will find. Treasure it!
God's word has served many purposes in my life. It gives me hope, reminds me of truth, and encourages me. Right now, the Holy Spirit is also using the Word to convict me of sin. I know, some of you get uncomfortable when I mention that word. But it is true. I am a sinner and God is revealing areas of my life in which I am sinning. I can rejoice in that, because with repentance comes refreshment. If God's word says it, I'm counting on it and eagerly waiting for it. :)
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12
"Acknowledging sin and its consequences is a difficult, achy, and emotionally invasive procedure. But a beautiful thing happens when we take that hard road through the mountain: we do not travel alone. Jesus is with us as God's Word convicts our hearts. Jesus is with us as the Holy Spirit reveals our desperate need. Jesus is with us as our knees buckle at the devastation around us and the devastation within us. He is by our side to administer the salve of grace the moment each sin-wound is revealed.
Somewhere in the thick of this ongoing heart surgery we begin to understand: only in seeing the depth of our sin can we see the unmatched grace and glory of the Cross." She Reads Truth lent devotional
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' Lamentations 3:21-24
I love a covenant keeping God. Do you? If you don't know Him, don't wait another minute. He is waiting for you with arms open wide.
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