I like to be independent and DO it ALL on my OWN. I don't want to need anyone. I don't want to ask for help... or in this case, cry out for help. I am strong. I am competent. I can do it, is my motto. But I can't. I have come to my breaking point and I can't do it on my own. I NEED help. I NEED prayers. I NEED encouragement. I am NEEDY. And just like that God provides. Why am I surprised? He's been faithful before and He continues to be faithful.
Last Saturday, my mom was feeling well rested and particularly generous. She called and offered to come pick up the FOUR kids and bring them to her home so I could stay at my house alone and do whatever I want. Do you realize what a gift that is??? As a homeschool mom, I can tell you that I am rarely alone and rarely in my house alone. It was the first time I was alone in my house since November. That's six months of nearly round the clock kiddos!
What did I do? I cleaned. I know, crazy, but it was so therapeutic. After a couple hours, I called my mom and said I'd come over to get them. She said, "It's too soon." I questioned, "Are you sure? It's been two hours. That's plenty." She said, "Everything is fine here. Enjoy it!" So back to cleaning and quiet I went. Ahhh....
The serving went two ways last Saturday. While I was enjoying my quiet house, the four kids served my parents. They spent several hours doing yard work alongside my dad and the reports I got tell me that they are cheerful, HARD workers! At the end of the day my mom said, "But they didn't even get to play because they worked all day." What a gift! [Please note that it was my dad's great idea for the kids to help him in the yard. That wasn't my mom's original plan when she invited them over. :) ]
Even with that special gift of a day alone in my house, these last few weeks have had some really low spots. In the past when we added a new baby to our family, I feel like I cut myself a little slack for the first year. I was less involved. I gave myself a little grace because I wasn't sleeping enough and we were all adjusting. With this adoption transition, I need to keep remembering that it will take time to fully find the new normal. I am not cutting myself much slack and heaping demands upon myself. The Lord is maybe trying to help me see the beauty in being weak and how He can make beauty from ashes? I am a slow learner.
God has provided richly in friends I can share the specific ugly moments and beg for their prayers. What a blessing in being real and honest with safe friends who will point me to the cross!
These verses sent by a friend have been my hiding place when I struggle to be hopeful. Where would I be without the Lord? Do you know Him? If you don't, don't wait another minute. Talk to Him. He is listening and mighty to save!
Psalm 139:1-10 (But read the ALL the Psalm... it's awesome!)
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed i the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing."
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