Reassurance

I'm learning that one of the results of experiencing the brokenness that comes with needing to be adopted is the constant need for reassurance from the adoptive parents.

Do YOU love me? Will YOU always love me? Will YOU keep loving me even when I make bad choices? Will YOU stay with me forever? Can I count on YOU?

I've never stopped to count, but several times a day Irina says to me, "Mommy, I love you SO much." I used to think the point of her saying that was to declare her love, but I'm beginning to suspect that the real purpose is to get me to repeat those same words to her. No matter how distracted I might be, I've learned to quickly reassure her, "Irina, I love YOU so much." And she breaths a big sigh and smiles.

Similarly, when she has made bad choices and I need to correct inappropriate behavior (which is so hard, but necessary!), her immediate reaction is to shout, "Mommy, NO love Irina." It's as if she is punishing herself and concluding that my love is conditional. I've learned the best way to diffuse a potential "storm" is to reply, "That's ridiculous! That's like saying you saw a purple cow flying in the sky. Mommy will always love you, even if I don't love your behavior." She loves to be silly so this accomplishes distracting her from swirling out of control AND reassuring her of my love.

As we walk this path of an older child adoption, I'm learning a lot about love. Love is not just warm fuzzy feelings, sweet smells and fireworks. Love is work. Love is sacrificial. Love is committing to love even when it doesn't feel easy or even when I don't want to! The result of loving sacrificially is a fragrant aroma to God. We have such a picture of that love in Jesus Christ sacrificially loving us! Oh Lord, help me to love as you have loved me. 

"Be imitator's of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2 

I hope and pray that Irina will someday rest assured of our love for her, but most importantly I pray that she will know deeply the Father's love for her.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:4-19