For several days I have been thinking a lot about these past five weeks home. I know it is dangerous to use that much brain power. Believe me, there is steam coming from my ears. ;) The pictures in this post will have nothing to do with the stirrings in my heart. They are just eye candy. Some of you may choose to only look at them. I hope not.
I am very grateful that I have a relationship with God. I don't know how people live without one. I really don't.
God is trying to teach me a lot as we walk this path of adoption. I am so thankful that I am not alone. It feels lonely sometimes, but I know in my head that God will never leave me. He is with me. He promises me that in His word and I am eager to believe Him.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
To be honest, this process has revealed some things I don't love about myself and I am impatient for Him to do His work of changing and growing me. God promises that in His word too. ("Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6) It doesn't seem to be happening nearly as fast as I wish it was, but he says in Philippians that he won't be finished with me until the day of Christ Jesus. :) Sometimes I am pliable and soft to what He is trying to teach me and other times I am quite hardened and stubborn.
Throughout this journey, my emotions have been all over the map. Up and down and around and about. That is partly the result of very little sleep and partly due to how God made me. I'm a highly sensitive "feeler." It's not always advantageous. I'm praying that God will use this character trait of mine for His glory. Right now, I can get stuck in feeling things too deeply and getting my feelings hurt too often. I'm jumping right into girl drama and man is it intense! :) Boys and girls are very different.
Irina has been sitting with us in church on Sunday's until she is ready to join Luke in Sunday school.
Remember developmentally she is still catching up, so she is noisy, wiggly and very eager for my attention.
This Sunday though, I was able to catch snippets of the sermon on Ephesians 3:14-21.
Ephesians 3:14-2114 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
I can't summarize the sermon, but I jotted down these notes from our pastor Steve Shelby
and have been thinking about them a lot. Oh, how I need to soak in these truths!
* Paul is praying that the Ephesian saints will know atonement and that will change how they love others.
* Whatever the circumstances, the thing that sustains us is the certainty and bedrock in the cross of Jesus who loves you.
*Only divine power can generate divine love. The work of the Spirit of God can move us and change us.
*This power that Paul is talking about is the difference between what you can do on your own and what God can do through you.
I have to admit that my sinful reaction to challenges is often to whine, complain and have a victim mentality. I'm really challenged and encouraged to find the balance between acknowledging hard times, asking for help and prayer, and then finding ways to praise God in the midst. How can I forget that if I have the Holy Spirit living in me that I have this great power? The purpose of that power isn't to make things smooth for me. I think the Holy Spirit can give me the strength to love when it feels impossible and the strength to fix my eyes on Jesus rather then myself. Isn't the result of that a thankful heart?
I'm definitely not suffering like Paul suffered. (Read 2 Corinthians 11:23-27 if you want to read more about how Paul suffered.) When I read this a few days ago, it really struck me that the reason Paul was able to have such a positive perspective was because he wasn't focusing on himself. He was focusing instead on things above. He was focusing on the glory that would be revealed!
Colossians 3:1-3
"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
I'm giving myself a little pep talk here. I want to be excited to be a part of Irina's story. I want to be eager to see the way God redeems her wounds and uses them for His glory. I want to look back in 10 years and see the amazing things God did in our lives because we submitted our will to His. I want to love sacrificially with a JOYFUL spirit. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13
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