Identity

Thinking, feeling, processing, and examining... that is what I spend a lot of my brain power on these days. Does your brain shut off? Mine doesn't. EVER! I think that might be a female characteristic, or maybe it is just me?? 

Darin tells me that he's seen articles about how Facebook causes depression. (Maybe Pinterest does too?) Hmmm... I can believe it. You read and see pictures of all these great things people are doing. Parties they are planning, recipes they are making, perfectly well-behaved children, perfectly decorated houses, athletic milestones, etc.. Do you ever feel like you don't measure up to the perfection people portray? You know it must not all be perfect, but it certainly conjures up images of an IDEAL that is so tantalizing. I confess that I have moments of feeling jealous. Okay... since I'm confessing, probably a lot of moments like that. That comparison trap is wicked! I must repent.

Here is a perfect example. I volunteered to help coordinate an in-class party for Luke's history class. I don't love this sort of thing, but I wanted to do my part and we love his teacher. The theme was "Space Race." They were learning about the race between Russia and the US to get to space. At the start I figured I'd come up with a simple rocket craft and simple snack. It would be easy. I spent hours (!!!) searching on Pinterest in my free time. ha! The more I looked, the more inadequate I felt. I started to have a melt down. The time was running out and I couldn't pull this together. What if there was something else out there better? I had to keep looking for the perfect idea.

When I told Luke I was in charge of a craft and fun snack, he replied, "You're not that kind of mom." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he crumpled in embarrassment realizing his words could have hurt my feelings. (love his sweet heart!) I smiled, brushed if off, and knew what he meant. I have a reputation for being obsessed with "healthy." In his mind, a fun snack would be some kind of junk food and he knew I would never bring that. Oh my...  While I tried to brush off his comments, it further fueled my crazy. I was going to bring an awesome craft and have a SUPER FUN UNHEALTHY snack. Yes I WAS!!! If all the other moms on Pinterest can do it, so can I.  Luke asked me to bring the "rocket" fruit skewers (above) and I brought some "space themed" junk food to go with it. I didn't take a picture of that. :)  We did a craft that was borderline lame, but the kids didn't seem phased. The rocket we tried to shoot off with vinegar and baking soda was a dud. I could have done more, but does it really matter??? Does it? What would perfect look like?

In the end it all worked out, but I needed to repent of my approval seeking. Whose approval do I really need the most? Certainly not a room of nine 5th graders! Did I please God by working with all my heart to bring Him glory? Was I seeking His approval or the approval of men? Were my eyes fixed in the right place? These are all questions I wrestled with and am trying to learn from. I'm definitely not saying that we can't plan really cool parties and do really amazing over the top fun things. God is stretching me to realize WHY I strive to do these things. Am I alone here? Do you ever struggle with this?

And all these yummy food photos are further evidence of my crazy. Every couple weeks I don't sleep (just kidding... sort of) so I can carve out the time to make pumpkin muffins, granola, whole wheat bread, granola bars, and tortillas. It makes me feel happy to feed my family foods that I think are nutritious and delicious. (some of you may disagree... sorry gluten free and paleo people!)

This is where I wish the thinking, processing, examining my heart would shut off. All I know is that as our spring/summer kid birthday madness nears I want to be sure that I am reminding myself that my identity is NOT in how "pinterest worthy" our parties are. My identity is not in what healthy things I make for my family. My identity is not in ANYTHING else but in the fact that I am a child of God. I was bought with a price. I am loved, forgiven, and cherished beyond measure for one simple fact. I was created by the Creator of the universe and He doesn't make mistakes! What could be better then that? Hallelujah!