Idolectomies

My daughter is amazing. She is thoughtful, adaptive, determined, intuitive, confident, and full of unexplainable JOY. If I step back and look from the sidelines, this is what I see. Perhaps this is what you see? However, I confess that in the pulse of every day life, I have a hard time seeing those positive qualities because the wounded parts of Irina's heart seem to shout at me in nearly every interaction. 

Some of you have said, "She's so lucky you adopted her!" Yes, the alternative for her in the orphanage was GRIM. Especially in light of the continued conflict in Eastern Ukraine. We are thankful to have her here with us and we LOVE her. However, I would venture to say that although she has found much happiness here she would probably rather have not needed to be adopted in the first place. Irina probably wishes that she was born into a family able to love her from the beginning. "It's not fair."

Think about this:

"...all adoption stories begin with grief - the brokenness of a natural family. Therefore, all adoption is a ministry of mercy. Adoptive parents are called to step intentionally into brokenness for the purpose of healing. They make boys and girls, whose biological parents cannot raise them, into their own sons and daughters. This is mercy, and it will require a lifetime of ministry." - Brian Borgman

Even with all the training we went through, I never caught on to the fact that raising, teaching, and loving our daughter would be A LIFETIME MINISTRY. It's time for me to rearrange my perspective and put on my "armor" for the long ride. Ten years of brokenness is not going to be "fixed" or "healed" in one short year. And let's be honest here... what's really been exposed in this one year is that I am called to love, serve, accept, and forgive regardless of how I am treated in return. (with the Holy Spirit's help, of course!)

"So take up the whole armor of God and remember the victory is his. You need God's wisdom if you are going to maintain the proper perspective. A biblically wise gospel orientation keeps you looking past self-pity, personal insults, and inconvenience, and helps you maintain a warfare mentality. It drives you to "be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." (Ephesians 6:10) 

And to clarify, this quote above is not saying that we are waging war against the child. A "warfare mentality" is waging war against the enemy (the evil one) who is trying to turn us inward (focused on self) and not upward (focused on God).

"Adoption, like marriage and parenting in general, has a way of ruthlessly exposing what is in our hearts. It is a great opportunity for ministry, as we have seen, but that means it is also a great revealer of idols and sinful attitudes." - Brian Borgman

Idols indeed. I have come face to face with my favorite idols: peace, quiet, order, and control. These are not new. They've been here long before we adopted. However, the adoption has brought them glaringly to light. Here is what that looks like:  When there is conflict, NOISE, mess, and disobedience, I am prone to bitterness, resentment, and anger. Have I mentioned we don't have a lot of peace, quiet, or order around here? When I honestly look in my hearts mirror, it is not lovely. Our adoption journey is forcing me to examine my heart, repent, and rely on His strength.

I have the lyrics to this hymn written out on an index card and carry it in my back pocket. I am trying to train myself to remember truth and re-wire my reactions. I call it my "Emergency Card."

"My hope is built on nothing less then Jesus blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand." - Edward Mote

Lastly, I want to end with one more quote. All of these quotes are from a book I'm reading called, "After They Are Yours - The Grace and Grit of Adoption" by Brian Borgman. I hope my ramblings encourage you, whether or not you are in the adoption world. God is at work and that is a good thing! Even though it is painful, I feel His mercy and gentleness and encouragement. I KNOW He loves me. Just this week, He showed me His love in so many ways. (phone calls from friends, answered prayers, sweet scripture that speaks to my heart, and music that penetrates)

"Adoption is both ministry and spiritual warfare, but it is also a very effective tool in heart surgery, idol exposure, and (hopefully) idol destruction. We must be open to this painful process. There is no way to move ahead and make progress if you are holding on to idols in your own heart. 

Sometimes I feel like a patient on a gurney, wearing a gown, ready to be rolled into an operating room. The only thing missing is the anesthesia, for God is not in the habit of anesthetizing us before he opens us up. When he performs "idolectomies," he does so with love and mercy, yet divine love and mercy are sometimes accompanied necessarily by pain." - Brian Borgman

ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND!