We recently submitted our one year report to the Ukrainian embassy and it was full of detailed questions about Irina's growth (developmentally, physically, emotionally). A month ago when I sat down to complete this report, it was very beneficial for me to look back and see the progress. Do you ever get so bogged down by the hard now and forget how God has carried you? I sure do. While we still have so far to go (particularly me!), we've come so far. Is that possible?
If you've followed the story and prayed for our journey, you are probably curious how Irina is really doing. Some of you sweet people may want to know how the rest of us are doing. I've debated what to share and what not to share. I want to protect my daughter, but proclaim God's goodness in bringing about change. I want to share the beautiful qualities we've seen blossom, but also acknowledge the scars that come with brokenness, abandonment, and neglect. I want to advocate for the beauty in adoption, but not perpetuate the myth of a romantic fairy tale that is tempting to believe.
So here we go... here are a few things I'm willing to share...
1) Stats: We don't have her exact height measurement when she officially became our daughter. It's buried in a stack of papers written in Russian. However, we estimate that in one year she has grown about 6 inches and gained approximately 20 pounds. She is a tall, lean, growing machine! After years of malnourishment, her body is thriving with all the nutritious foods. I am very grateful that she is agreeable to every food I offer her. She loves fruits and vegetables along with every other meal I serve her. "I like all foods you make Mommy." I need to remember what a blessing this is. Remember how we were told she is allergic to citrus and chocolate? We're pretty convinced that is no longer true (if it was ever true.) Her skin is very sensitive, so citrus can cause a dermatological reaction if she doesn't wash her face and hands after eating but no other reactions.
The tricky part with food is that she has not learned what it means to be full until she is overfull and has a stomach ache. I'm fairly certain she never had to worry about being full until she came to America. An empty stomach was more the norm for TEN years. We're learning together how to adjust. Buffets can be a disaster. I'm trying to teach her good skills and prepare her in advance with a strategy so she doesn't suffer with stomach aches after the fact. She is not alone in learning how to handle a spread of food. I know a certain 6 year old in our house who camped out at the potato chip bowl at Grandma and Grandpa's house during the cousin party. ;)
2) Sleeping: Do you remember how much Irina struggled with sleep a year ago? Oh my goodness! I was so sleep deprived (as was she). The nightmares, the fears, and the manipulation was intense. I slept in her room for a little while. She slept on an air mattress on the floor in our room for months. I selfishly wondered if I'd ever be alone again. We finally turned the corner and she was sleeping in her own room, but it would take hours for her to settle. One of us (usually me) sat in her room every night for up to two hours until she felt relaxed enough to close her eyes. These days, she goes to sleep every night with little difficulty between 8 and 8:30 and sleeps until 7am. (sometimes longer if the boys are quiet!) Praise the Lord! She feels safe and secure. Occasionally, she has a bad dream but is comforted by a prayer and hug. I suspect that all this good sleep has aided her growing too.
3) School: We feel very sure that homeschooling was the right choice for Irina. She is flourishing because she has been able to start back at the beginning and move at her pace. She is confident and eager to learn, but becomes very upset if she doesn't catch on to something quickly. Maybe she gets that from me? ;) I can't imagine expecting her to do 5th or 6th grade work with so many educational gaps. How could she run if she never learned to stand up? We are half way through the school year and making steady progress. She's reading at a 1st or 2nd grade level and nearly finished with 2nd grade math curriculum. She has a pretty large vocabulary for only just learning English. I'm not sure what her educational future will look like, but I am blessed that she is a willing student (most of the time).
4) Development: Irina is truly a lovely girl. She is full of youthful joy and laughs easily. It's really quite amazing that she isn't hardened and angry after all she has been through. Perhaps that is what is so captivating about her? She is also a survivor. She notices everything, picks up on body language, and is very intuitive. Unfortunately, there are some aspects of those survival skills that are less then desirable and unhealthy. Only time will tell if those instincts will ever fade away.
Over the past year she has learned simple skills like how to blow her nose and how to cut with scissors as well as more difficult skills like how to ride a bike and swim. For all you moms out there feeling insecure... don't take for granted all you teach your children without even realizing it! It is mind boggling how much Irina was never taught or experienced.
For whatever reason (and I have my suspicions), the mother/daughter relationship has been the most challenging for Irina and me. I have so much to learn about parenting a special girl from a hard place as well as parenting a girl in general!! (the drama, the emotions, the neediness, the resistance to all my instructions) By the end of the day, I'm often so exhausted from the circus-like atmosphere around here (remember those three spirited boys?!?!) that I'm not able to put the time into researching and learning how to nurture Irina in the way she specifically needs to be nurtured. You cannot parent a child from hard places the way you might parent a biological child. There are so many more complicated layers. So if you think of it... pray for me. I'm not too ashamed to ask for prayer.
Which brings me to my story, this has probably been one of the most challenging years for me for many reasons which I'll not go into here. But I claim that God is my strength. I'm clinging to Him, praying that I'll believe to the depths of my heart that He will give me peace and joy regardless of my circumstances. I stand firm that it was God's plan for Irina to join our family. Ten years from now, when I'm almost 50 (?!?!) I hope and pray I can look back and see the workings of Gods hands and understand His purpose for this season.
Lately the new song from Toby Mac called "Beyond Me" has resonated in my heart. Particularly the lyrics which say, "Called me to waters a little too deep, Oh I've never been so aware of my need." God has called us to be adoptive parents to a precious girl and it's hard. But, I've truly never been so aware of my need for Him. There is a sweetness in that which makes me thankful.
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