Flowers in the Desert

The kids have 28 more minutes left of room time and I can't wait another minute to sort through my thoughts. The laundry will have to remain unfolded for now. The timer is sitting right beside me so there is no time to reread or rewrite.

A short time ago, I shared about being "in the pit." The sadness can feel overwhelming at times. Most days, I fight it with every breath I take. I don't want to be there. I want to be bursting with JOY. I can't seem to concoct that in my own strength and so I pray. Other days, often in the evenings, my mind gets the best of me. My thoughts chew me up and keep my stomach rolling.

And yet, God keeps reminding me I'm not alone. In the midst of my pit, God is providing for me in many ways. Our pastor at church is doing a sermon series on "lament." There are probably people sitting there rolling there eyes, wishing for something lighter and fluffier. As for me, I am captivated. Maybe I'm not alone?  A quote from Sunday, "Lament has a potential to change a heart. It compels a search, strips the heart of pretense, and forces us to wrestle with God." ~ Dan Allender  Yes, I have been stripped and forced to wrestle with what I place my hope in. It is SO hard and it is SO, so, good.

We were reminded on Sunday the value of suffering in community and not suffering alone. How can I not be thankful for the friends who have walked alongside me? They're not shouting at me, "Come on. Snap out of it. If you love God, then you're supposed to be happy." Instead, they are pointing me to Jesus. They're listening to the nonsense and foolish things I say when in despair, and pointing me to truth. I'm so reminded that this is a blessing from God that He has provided these friends to care for me. It is a hug from God. He says, "I'm with you. Do not be afraid. You are not alone."

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. " Psalm 42:1-2

"My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon - from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:6-8

In the midst of this "pit," I'm realizing that I sometimes long for relief from the circumstances that make me sad. However, what I long for most is more closeness with God. I'm learning that that is the only sure thing.  Or at least, I do for a time until I forget again. ;)

There is hope!

"Circumstances do not get the final word. All of those things happen as a part of what God has for me. If this is what God has for me and He is good, then what God ultimately has for me is EVEN BETTER. We are trapped by the love of God" ~ Steve Shelby

What could be better then being trapped by God's amazing love, NO matter what our circumstances. (And my circumstances are not even bad compared to so many much worse situations!!!!)

And just when I think God can't bless me more, I receive an unexpected email about how God is at work in a dear friends life. The scripture and story she shares with me blesses me yet again. "The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy." Isaiah 35:1-2

If God can bring flowers into bloom in the dessert, then he can surely bring joy into bloom in my dry heart!

And the timer just beeped! Rest time is over.